The “Priest” Gimmick in Contemporary Novels

Because my novel Each Angel Burns has a Catholic priest as one of the main characters I may be more sensitive to this issue – or perhaps more aware – than other readers but I have to ask, what's up with all the priests in thriller/mystery books these days? Ever since The DaVinci Code there have been tons of Secrets-of-the-Catholic-Church novels, some of them pretty good, some of them pretty lame. It is a genre that has grabbed on to the public imagination and, frankly, it can be kind of exciting. With a 2000 year tradition of both pomp and political involvement, the Catholic Church, in which I was raised, provides tons of material for both investigation and wild speculation.

But lately I've noticed something else – priests are becoming main characters in fiction and it seems to be a device that can be either well-done (Ryne Douglas Pearson's Confessions) or pretty awful. I wrote awhile back about Julia Spencer-Fleming's Clare Fergusson/RussVan Alstyne mystery series. I only read one of them, the first one, and, while I basically liked them, I thought the Episcopal priest, Clare Fergusson was a priest in name only. Other than attending parish meetings she certainly showed no priestly thought-process or behavior, at least in the book I read. She acted like the typical supposedly-smart-but-behaving-stupidly heroine of all too many contemporary novels.

To be fair, there are some wonderful priest/heroes in novels. Probably my favorite is Father Emilio Sandoz in Mary Doria Russell's The Sparrow and its sequel Children of God. She does a fabulous job of creating a priest/linguist/scientist who is both an accomplished and sympathetic protagonist and whose spirituality is integral to his character development. But characters like Sandoz are rare.

Recently I purchased Ted Dekker's The Priest's Graveyard because it got tons of 5-star reviews on both Amazon and on Goodreads -- plus it has an awesome cover. Dekker is a popular writer and his fans have nothing but praise for him. I was encouraged by the lavish praise of this book and it started out great. I could hardly put it down. There are two stories told in alternating chapters. One about a heroin addicted prostitute who is rescued from the pimp who would have killed her by a mystery man and taken to a lavish but sterile retreat on the coast where she is pampered and cared for but kept as a virtual prisoner. The other is about a trained assassin who escaped from Bosnia to the United States and spends his time stalking and taking out (as mercifully as possible) rapists and other bad guys who hurt women. The story lines were gripping and I was completely sucked in.

Then the prostitute -- Renee -- finds herself alone in her lavish prison and realizes that her hero has been killed by his employer. She escapes from the men who come after her, takes up residence in a quiet little suite-hotel and sets out to kill the man who killed her rescuer/lover. This brings her in contact with "Danny", the assassin, (why, oh why do some authors insist on giving their killer/assassins cutsy diminutive names?) and we find out that not only is he a trained assassin, he is also a Catholic priest. Why is he priest? Because he thought it would make him feel better after what he saw in Bosnia. Period.

So, okay, I am hanging in with this, though my disenchantment is growing. Renee goes to Danny's house (he lives alone in the suburbs for some reason) and tries to persuade him to help her kill the Bad Guy (who was also a Catholic priest at one time but who left the priesthood -- none of this is explained, maybe it will be later but I'll never know) . As it turns out, the Bad Guy is already on Danny's hit list but he tries to talk her out of it anyway. I'm definitely disenchanted by this point but I'll stay with it just to give it a shot. Danny sends Renee home but he can't stop thinking about her -- recovering heroin addicts/prostitutes bent on revenge toward the man who murdered their lovers are so irresistible, aren't they? So what does Danny, the Catholic priest and trained Bosnian assassin do? He goes to her hotel room when she is not there, breaks into it, and snoops around. Except he gets so caught up in admiring her choice of clothes and vegetables that he loses track of time and when she unlocks the door he is forced to hide in the closet. Right.

This brings us to possibly the dumbest chapter I've ever read in a book. It is told in alternating paragraphs between the panic-stricken Renee, who comes into her apartment and instantly realizes someone is hiding inside, and the assassin/priest hiding in the closet. Where is he? Will she find me? Will he kill me? Will she find me? On and on. I have to tell you, I laughed out loud a couple times. Finally, the scene concludes when Renee flings open the closet door and finds the assassin/priest, flushed with embarrassment, trying to hide between her Walmart t-shirts. I didn't think I could take any more but I tried.

Renee is thrilled, flings her arms around him and now knows he will help her snuff out the Bad Guy. For his part, he can't believe how cute she is. So, as if all of this isn't sufficient humiliation for our assassin/priest, he takes her on a surreptitious mission to break into the Bad Guy's mansion. Once inside they are sneaking around when Renee discovers something that makes her go ballistic. What did she find? Instructions from Bad Guy to his head henchman to take out Renee's lover ON A POST-IT NOTE!!! The henchman overhears her carrying on and confronts them, gun in hand. I gave up. 

Okay, maybe the story itself is exciting but I totally lost respect for a trained assassin (priest or not) who would get caught hiding in a motel closet. How could I take him seriously after that? But even more annoying was the “priest” part. At the point in the story where I gave up, we don't know anything at all about Danny's spirituality. He is apparently connected to a parish because he is supposed to go to a meeting one day which he blows off to go snoop around Renee's room. But, while there is ample description of him doing the dishes, fixing his meals and day-dreaming about Renee, there is not one mention of his priestly obligations, like praying his daily Office, administering sacraments, or even praying. And for a priest he sure has a ton of time on his hands which he uses to hunt down bad guys. Most of the priests I know are so darn busy they are lucky if the get time to go to the bathroom.

Well, enough of this. I'm sure Ted Dekker will sell lots and lots of books and get lots of 5-star reviews. Good for him. And I'm sure there will be lots of other priest/gum shoes in contemporary novels. It seems to be the “in” profession. I'd just like a couple of them to actually act like priests – good priests, priests like the 90% we don't hear about in the news.

Thanks for reading.