How much sex is enough?

That question was posted in a discussion group for writers I frequent. The author was wondering how much sex, how detailed, how frequent, etc. etc. etc is appropriate for most novels – romance or otherwise. The answer is, of course, as much as it takes to tell your story. And no matter how much or how little someone won't like it so don't worry. As a writer you'll never get it right -- for some people, anyway.

I've been thinking about this because ever since I joined Goodreads and started reading the reviews there I've been sort of dumbfounded by what people are willing to write in a book review. I've been reading Amazon reviews for years and they range from the sublime to the ridiculous, too, but somehow there is a percentage of reviewers on Goodreads who seem to take it a step beyond simple ridiculousness. Actually, a lot of it may have to do with the cultural and historical literacy I was talking about on Wednesday.

Recently I pretty much fell in love with a couple of books, one of them being Ahab's Wife and the other is called A Reliable Wife, which I am in the middle of and don't want to end. Two “wife” books, I sense a theme. It is somewhat logical to assume that novels about wives would have references to sex in them – or the lack of it. When I am enthralled by a book I often read reviews in the hopes of finding other readers who are as fascinated as I am. They are there, of course, but on Goodreads especially, there are also more than a few people who hate books they have read and are only too happy to tell you why.

As an aside, let me say that I almost never write a negative review of a book for the simple reason that if a book is bad I stop reading. End of problem. But I was a little flabbergasted by the reviewers who read A Reliable Wife, despite its powerful erotic theme, absolutely hated it for that reason, and wrote angry reviews. Now, let me hasten to add, the love scenes are not explicit, nor are there very many of them. But, since the story is told from the points of view of two men in love with the same woman, one of them who longs deeply for her, there is a lot of yearning and romantic longing in the narrative. I love it. I think the author captures beautifully the intensity of physical desire and how it can come to dominate and manipulate an otherwise sane, temperate person to do undesirable things.

I was also flabbergasted by a couple of reviewers who couldn't figure out that one of the female characters became a prostitute/courtesan because it was the only way she could survive. In 1907 a woman left alone in the world didn't have a lot of options and if she was young, very beautiful, and had family to support – well, she did what she did to survive. But the reviewer was scandalized that she became such a “nymphomaniac” (as opposed to a successful business woman).

I don't know why any of this surprises me but, as a writer myself, I know what a delicate balance it is to write honestly about sexual attraction and fulfillment without slipping into gratuitous sexuality. I've had people who have read my books make complaints on both sides – a few have said the sex was too much, a few (mostly men) asked why I always stopped short of the “good stuff”. Luckily, most of my readers seem to think I strike the right balance.

Sex in fiction is no different than sex in real life. It is intoxicating, luscious, all-consuming and glorious and it is also frustrating, difficult, brutal, and manipulative depending on what is going on with the two people involved. The truth is sex is just sex. What makes it interesting is what happens between the people doing it.

Recently, just out of curiosity, I bought an “erotic, paranormal romance”. Mostly because I wondered what in the hell an erotic, paranormal romance was. I'm never going to have to worry about writing a review for this book because it is so dumb I'll never finish reading it. But the author certainly has an active and inventive imagination. During the first “love” scene I encountered, the couple was going at it in the back of a limo. There were lots of adjectives about his size and her demureness but then, in the midst of some spectacular gymnastics, he lifted her and “dropped” her onto his – well, you know. Dropped her? Dropped like ker-plunk!? Ouch.

I'll admit it made me laugh -- until I thought about it. Ouch.

Thanks for reading.

• How To Write A Sex Scene